明天会如何？

终于下定了决心，去做某些决定。
我不知道这决定是好还是坏。
决定了，就该向前迈进，是吧？

放不下的东西，到头来还是要放下不是吗？
有些改变了的事，好像怎么也回不到从前了。。
还该执著吗？我很迷茫，我不知别人在想什么，
我或许已经那样骗了我自己好久。。
我何必那么顾虑别人的想法？
现在就为自己而活。。

我会努力的！

Crossroads

Everybody is talking about resigning in office.
Everbody is talking about their frustration in office.
Everybody is talking about the same subjects, the "stick", or the "roundy" in office.
And, the list goes on....

It never ends.
Am working in an environment where I have to deal with very sissy, calculative antie, who basically not able to think out of the box. Also have to deal with someone who could be nominated best actress in Oscar. It's tiring. Office politics, I wonder if I am good at it, I guess nope, I am not. If I have to work with high level of alertness, high level of defence mode and bearing some demotivation, frustration, and feeling not that appreciated...how worth is it to stay for the pay cheque, and maybe for the fat allowance?

I was so tempted to tender my resignation. I don't know if it's the right choice. Well, the least, I tried to be rational and did some self-evaluation. Thinking of my high spending style, and looking at my bank statement, errrr....in between rational and emotional (I suppose I need to choose rational???) It's recessioning, that's the difficult part. But, what's the point of dragging your feet to work...indulging in negative force in office, listening to the complaints others have towards the different subjects? ahhh, it's a matter of time. And I am waiting, when the right time is triggered, I believe there is still a better side out there to be explored.

Wish me luck everyone!

Life...

Last night, I went gathering with some old friends. One of them, who is in dillemma, parent is now half paralyzed due to stroke. Now, she is fighting against family issues, financial difficulties as well as acommodation issue. The next morning, I was telling this to my mum, she just informed me that one of my relative was hospitalized due to some health issues.

Come to think about it, life...is truly full of the unexpected. I should be grateful with what I have today, shouldn't I? One of the things I came to learn about lately is that, make the fullest of every part of life while you still can. I think I have widen my perspective towards many things...maybe, that would put myself in a better position. Some of the things I understand that I have to let go, for the better. Some of the things are meant to happen no matter what. It's life...and we are meant to take it whatever form, whatever shape, whatever dimension. I guess, that's what make our life colourful...

No more...

Going through some serious depression, trying to get through some serious frustration, thinking of a good vacation.....ahh, life! At points, I am still, very lost. I haven't progressed ever since my last few blogs. The depression came on and off, bringing me up and down. Ironically knowing what is right but doing something wrongful. This is what we called life?

I am facing problems dealing with my own emotions, composing my own direction and getting solution for my depression. Tonight I felt I totally lost control over myself....after such a long time. I haven't had such a feeling, the melancholy mood just swept over me. I broke down and cried, but crying, is not going to solve anything for me? I urge myself to be realistic and rational to deal with the current crossroads.

There were a lot of negative feelings coming at once tonight, inferiority, low self-esteem, pessimism...there was this eruption of anger, depression, frustration inside. There were mixture of so many feelings, I couldn't understand what emotion state I am going through currently. After the crying, it was monotone within. I just feel that I want to go far from here, to the beach, to the mountain, to the valley, to wherever and shout my lung out or a field where I could keep on running until I couldn't feel my feet, could I?

I want to run away from here....and keep on running....wonder where these running are bringing me? Should I be bothered? Nah....

迷茫。。

很想要放下这里的一切，然后回家去了。
心里有很多的失望，有很多的迷惑，
仿佛，前方已被蒙蒙的雾遮住了。
我要往哪一个方向走，哪里开始，哪里停步，
何去何从。。

我好像已没有可以哭得眼泪了，
是心酸，还是心痛，
我，只是感觉到麻木。
对任何事我不起劲，
那样的生活，
过得下去吗？
唉。。

寂寞，
多想有一个人和我一起走，
给我安慰，给我扶持，
给我一点的方向感。

我感觉好累，
想停下来了。。
什么都不做。。
什么都不理。。
要是可以的话，多好。。

四眼妹

动了手术后，虽然，眼筋纠正了，却也把我变成了四眼妹。。。起先，很不习惯，没带眼镜头就很晕。 因为左眼和右眼近视相差得太远的关系。有些朋友说带了眼睛看起来比较斯文，有些朋友就打趣的说很像professor。真好笑。不过，过了一个星期，我也渐渐习惯做四眼妹了。 最近荷包有点紧，还特地选了便宜的眼镜眶。

这就是现在的我啦！

不过，昨天还是买了隐形眼镜。等，眼睛的伤完全复原了再戴吧！ 现在就先做四眼妹啦！

方向

最近，刚动了眼睛的手术。 在家里休养了两个星期。觉得人懒洋洋的。刚开始工作，提不起劲来。原本，想到动了手术后就要好好策划买房子的事。 现在感觉好像自己还是处在假期的心情！

前面的方向好像有点模糊了。

我感觉有点灰。。。