Hallo 2013!

Arghh, time flies.
Without notice, and 2013 is already here.
Arrived for quite some time before I could even notice.

How was 2012 treating me?
Pretty challenging I must say.
So many things and most of all,
perception change.

It was a year of great education and experience.
and now, 2013, what have you got for me?

I can't wait to see what's lying.
Please be good to me!! :)

Hallo stressful work

Work, work, work,
as usual, it has been stressful.

I think it's like a taboo,
as whereever I work,
I will get accumulated workloads and responsibility.

But do I really care?
I suppose, I just want it to be justified...
with the money I seek.

So, let's sit back and see...
But I am up for the challenge.

Bring it on you work!

Eat Pray Love

I suddenly feel that I am like the character in the movie, I wanted to flee, to go away, and most of all to do nothing at all. Visiting new places, eat their food, understand their culture, explore. I feel I am in need of an adventure.

But I am such an impulsive person, I may do it, when the time is right. I suppose... :)

Gratefulness

I think I have written many blogs about being grateful. Often triggered by events, some unexpected occurance etc etc. But I everytime I write blogs about being grateful, I am very sure that it is always supported by different mixture of feeling, sentiment and gratitude.

It's a hard to have lazing Saturday morning, I received a sms from colleague a while ago, informing me that the English teacher of our office center has passed away due to heart attack. It shaken me a while...well, I dont know him very well and at times, not really bothered to greet him good morning when he walked into the office. But still, this is shocking...he still walked into the office 3 days ago, I greeted him good morning with a smile and today.....life, how unexpected.

I remember sitting with him having a break during the fair early this month. He and Uncle Jerry and myself were talking about some crap, about necrophilia. It was crap talk, but we had a good laugh. My soft heart made me weep for this sudden occurance, it's wierd to weep for someone I hardly know? But I guess the tears are for...not understanding how fragile life could be? I feel very sorry for his family and his 10 years old boy...

Such occurance, make me ponder again. Often thinking that being alive, is an act of nature. Come to think about it again, it's probably not. Probably every breath we inhale worth to be thankful. It reminds me of my days in church, always thankful to God for everything I have in life, for the air, for the food....and I feel today, I had that feeling back. The lyrics of a hymn keeps playing on my head, "Give thanks, with a graceful heart, give thanks to the holy one..."

Seeing people's lost of love ones remind me of being grateful of what I have. Family, friends, a reasonable job, some money and a "him" in my life. All the greatful experience, and yes, for all this I am really grateful.

This, I am really grateful

Many things have taken place ever since 15th January 2011 when I last blogged. I took time to read through my previous blogs, they gave memories of how I walked from 2008 till present. Good time, bad time, sad time, happy time....great memories.

These blogs, they remind me many of those moments that I have been through during my years in KL...those were words of thoughts that have walked me through some tough time when I was alone. It was one of my only channel of expressing myself when I broke down.

To you, they may be just lines of words, but for me, they are like a flash back, I have got motion of what happened playing on my head, some scenes hurt a little and I weeped a little, but thats ok....

It's coming to my 6th year residing at KL, I feel more than ever grateful that I guess, I have gotten myself a house. There was some hiccups and there is still some hitches, but I guess nothing that cannot be solved. So that's ok....

But what is more profound that has happened this year is; I have finally found "you" who still overwhelms and excites me, and I know you always will. Someone I could look into the eyes deep; and ponder a lot of things...those good, loving things. Your presense, make me feel ever so contented, so true, so intense and so loved. And I don't know just how fortunate and lucky I feel to have you...

I would love to remember this feeling when I look back at this blog in future. How appreciative I was to have found "you".

I know...I will always remember this feeling.

Maybe the roads ahead wont be smooth, there could be hitches, glitches, pain, sorrow....but, hey, that's ok...cos I have you, and they dont really matter. Just the thought of you, makes me happy enough.

For you, I know it's worth it.

A-1-7

8850, what I paid for deposit this morning for A-1-7! I couldn't believe it is happening! It just happened! So fast, so soon, without must expectation, without much hesitation.

and I am so excited...and yet worried on what to do next. there are tons of things! but I am sure I will be doing fine.

:)

Ohh ahh Yes!

aha! It's time to shop, shop and shop!
I am in such shopping spree mood!
How lah...it's not like I really have lots of money lolz.
But this is the mood, I am liking it...it's me again!

They said I am so much perkier now.
But I am just being myself, and I feel this is the real me.
After letting go of events, I feel much lighter and relaxed and
I am really enjoying it!

I am looking forward to shop, holidays and many more goodies in 2011.
I feel like I have so much energy to disperse!
woohoo! :D

That you...

After the many wedding sessions, it's always time to ponder....
After the many lonely nights, it's always time to ponder....
After the many family gathering, it's always time to ponder...
ponder about...when will I find you? Yes, You.

It's a wierd question.
It's a truthful question.
It's a sad question.
It's an anticipating question.
It's a hopeful question.

There are many things, many hopes, many kind of feelings, and yet not knowing what to expect with this simple question. What will the answer be.

That you, someone I could smile to...
That you, someone I could turn to...
That you, someone I could miss...
That you, someone I could share..
That you, that you...

That you...is yet to be discovered.

It's just a ponder....

about you...

that very you.

1.1.2011

Am I still dreaming or time is just flying? I remembered end of 2008, end of 2009 and now, 2010 has ended. I frankly don't know what to expect this year but I hope it is going to be another fruitful and good year. For things that arent meant to be, I have very little expectation. I am still learning to be a stronger person, but I really look forward to this year....and see what are there to be explored.

Good bye to 2010 and Hello to 2011!

F.A.T

It was a sleepless night...and for the reason is non other than, I kekembangan!! ai yo, I didnt know where the fat comes from but I have become much rounder ever since the Perth trip. And I got damn stress after seeing the weighing machine!! Mum is going to faint when she sees me! Gosh...I need to keep it down, God bless me!!

I will live with long hair again!

2 years of short hair! Yes, I have had enough!

Now it's time for long hair. woohooo!

I haven't had straight long hair for years....

Now I'm going to keep it long and straight!

Applause!!! =D

Silent Night

So it's Sunday night, but nothing different.
Still another lonesome night.
Sunday is the only official day I get my off in the week.
Yes, if I am lucky...
as many of the weekends I am stuck at KLCC "fairing"...
But this silence....it makes me wonder, am I looking forward to weekends?
Or finishing work?
Is this silence a good sign?
Is this a peace I should appreciate?
Maybe I should be more self-contented, self-entertained.
I tried to cope with it better, but at times,
I am still weak and frail.
Who can walk me through this?
Can someone answer that question?
A question, yet to be answered.
Happy weekend, Marilyn.

Flee Flee Flee!

I want to flee!!!
I need a break by the beach to feel the wave.
I need a break to feel the snow and shiver in it.
I need to go somewhere far, where I can forget all the worries I have.
I need to be free from work, where I can manage my own time.
When the day comes, I am going to flee!

Trip

I wonder if I have travelled so much that I don't feel excited at all now that I am leaving for a trip soon. I haven't even done my packing and deep in, monotone! Wierd....I wonder what would excite me. Anyhow, I wish I would have a good trip and hopefully a fruitful one.

Lost and Found

Sometimes, you thought you have lost something.
Then, unexpectedly, you found it again.
Sometimes, you still feel the same for the lost and found item.
But at times, you totally feel different although you have been missing it while it was gone.
That is a lot of mixed feeling, confusion...
Sometimes, you just don't know what to do, what's the future, and how to go about it.
At time like this, you just have to let nature takes the path....

S.T.R.E.E.S.E.D!!!

Work is pilling, the stress is really killing me. Doing the same old things, but asking you different quenstion. Undecisiveness, that's really a major killer. I wonder if I have to bear with stress wherever I go? Or everyone experiences it. Maybe it's the way I take things in life? Or it's just the way others do things? So many questions, what's the solutions? Oh dear, God bless me!

Home Sweet Home

My favourite Tomato Noodles, yum yum...only available in Kuching! =)

Like mum like daughter, we have one thing in common, SHOP! hahaha...

It was my second trip back to Kuching last week for 2010. Mum turned 51 last week. Still young, and looking good. I think she enjoys herself much more now, working less and more social activities. She is now the official driver for Adrian, home tutor, cook aka maid at home phew lol. It's good to see her enjoying life, it's always a relief to see her doing well.

Adrian with his posing, I think that's so called, KomaRider thingy...

Everytime trip to Kuching would always be packed with food and more food. Everyone says I am fat but they still keep feeding me lol, ironic. At least, I have had my favourite noodles, tomato mee and sarawak laksa! Adrian has started to fall in love with laksa too, and starting to eat less spicy food. He has grown much taller now, and getting fleshy! But I still enjoy kissing his cheeks and I wonder would he be shy if I do it when he grows older.

A moment of family, at Mum's birthday dinner

Saturday night after dinner, dad and myself had a little talk. He told me it's good to think through if we have done something wrong before we sleep so we can improvise and improve. We spoke about many things, mostly constructive stuff. Dad always inspires me, I think he often speaks with wisdom, for this, I really adore him.

Good memories still resides, all the laughters, the food, the moment of sharing...I somehow feel a little home sick again. It is coming to my 5th year in KL now. It has been easier lately, and sometimes I wonder if it is time to be back in Kuching. How long should I keep staying here? There is a saying, there's no where like home. I think it's so very true especially when you are away from home, alone. After the trip home, there is always a lot of mix feeling of sadness, happiness, and motivation to do even better not just for me, but for them too.

I know I am going to miss them and I look forward to seeing them soon again.

With love, daughter & sister

伴

好喜欢听黄小琥的伴。一首简单的歌曲，却带着浓浓的味道。非常真实的一首歌。

最近，在fb遇到很多老朋友，老同学。个个都结婚，个个都有小孩了。时间过的真快。看看现在身边的朋友，还是有很多单身的，有些受过伤害。有些连交往都没有过。有些着刚刚开始新的恋情。洋溢着幸福。所谓有人欢喜，有人忧。这样的情景，让我想起戏里常有的台词， “人生如戏，戏如人生”。

妈妈偶尔也会唠唠叨叨，我知道她担心女儿嫁不出去。不过，也不会给我太大的压力。妈妈的开通让我很庆幸。所以，要是没有个伴，养支狗好了，哈哈哈。。

找到幸福可是那么容易的事吗？ 刚才和我的好朋友吃饭。她和我说，朋友结婚她一定会到。因为她认为可以找到真心的伴，真的很不简单。所以，她很祝福那些找到另一半的朋友。这番话，让我很有感触。看到朋友个个结婚，通常也只是说一两句祝福的话，给封红包。那样就了事。不过，现在想想朋友的话，也很有道理。或许，自己还没结婚，所以一直都还没领悟。虽然也不知自己有没有结婚的福分。不过，我要衷心祝福所有找到个伴的人，好好珍惜。把握现有的幸福。

霉！

哎，我今天还是“带赛”！昨天同事的个案还以为今天他回来就可以搞定。怎么知道，那堆“赛”还是推到我这里来。苦啊！不过，同事必须要赔赏顾客的飞机票钱，已经很惨了。对于，个案的处理方法，我觉得他还不够成熟。 不过事情都如此了，唉。。 所以，我也不能说那么多。希望，明天可以快快搞定这件事，不让我可就真的要@#$@^@了。

Monday Blue

I woke up on a groomy morning, with weather which made me wanted to continue sleeping. My Monday was made "bluer". As usual, I spent about 45 minutes in shower and "fixing my face" before leaving to work. After I started driving, it drizzled. The sky was getting darker, the jam at Loke Yew road was giving me migrain and I heard siren of an ambulance from a distance. "There is always accident during such weather", I thought. After struggling in bumper to bumper on the road, I exit and got into NPE.

The drive was smoother but after the first toll, another ambulance passed by me. "Another accident", I thought. After exiting NPE, I was stucked at the jam of the roundabout and when I was about to exit it to the way of my office, another ambulance passed by me. Out of a sudden I thought I was just damn lucky.

What would all these jam, rain and little Monday blue compared to people who were caught in accident that morning. Sometimes, I feel I have complained more about life than to appreciate it. Little thing like this was an alarming call to remind me that it was, another day to be grateful. Another day to take a deep breath, smile and said "Thank god, I am still breathing."